When does it end?

When I was growing up, my father taught me some invaluable lessons that he hoped I can learn through him instead of on my own. I assume because he wanted to guide and protect me from some of the hurts of the world, as every parent should strive to do for their children. He always told me life would be tough... I always knew it was not going to be easy, but I never knew how tough life would present it self to me. I can candidly say that this is one of the most adverse times I have ever been through on a personal level. I know that God will prevail and I will rise to overcome these adversities just as I have in the past with him carrying me...however, this is the darkest hour I have experienced...and my heart is ever so heavy. I miss friends, support, family, anything that reminds me of a better time in my life. All of my negative habits come to haunt me in times such as this which unfortunately spiral me into a more self defeating attitude. I have a horrible habit of comparing myself to others, and everyone seems to be doing better than me. I have worked so hard to get where I need to get and be the person I need to be, only to wind up back where I started. Where are you God? I need you now, I need to be carried to my next breath, to my next step. I push those who love me away, because I dont want to burden them with my problems, and in the end, does anyone really care about anyone but themselves? I am angry and bitter with you God. Is this truly the life you intended for me to live? Why when we seek you and your will for our lives is it so challenging to find the right choices to make and embrace to send us down the paths you intend for our lives to begin with? I am tired, I am lonely, I am defeated, I am so very sorry for the wrongs I have committed. At the end of the day, my heart is good and pure, and I only wish to serve you. But how can I do this when I feel so very far away? My life is consumed with things to keep me afloat on every aspect. I know I fail to focus on you at times, I need help.....I need help from you to help me focus on you. Fill my life up with people I can help, with positive influences that can help me. M darkest hour is upon me waiting to crush me, and I am afraid...I am afraid the things of this world are consuming me beyond a point of no return. I cannot survive life like this. I feel these words are bursting out of me, everyday I get up and feel more defeated than the day before, everyday I cry out to you in hopes that I will feel something different than hurt, sorrow, pain, negativity, despair, worry, stress, and everything negative. Nothing brings me happiness. Nothing, brings me Joy. I focus my energies on people that is wasted, in my most darkest hour why? Is it because I cant find people that can create value for me? What do I do God? Yet again, I feel abandaned by you, and cry out to you with no answer. My heart is so strong and I know this, but I cannot survive for much longer without you, you must know this. You are my guide. I dont bring joy to anyones life, and I am not experiencing joy in my own...for the first time, I do not want this life. I need refreshed, revived, renewed, and sought out...